His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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