My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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