It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
