New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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