well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
