saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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