I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
