I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
