I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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