I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
