You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
