You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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