on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
