I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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