the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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