your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
only you would photoshop your dick
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
