If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
