Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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