I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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