After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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