evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
