i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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