just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can I color on your dick again?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
