my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
