just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
