Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
