So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
