READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
