if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
