Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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