thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
