everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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