hotel room ftw
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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