All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
