im about as happy as oj after his trial
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
