omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
