this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
