I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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