Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They have beer where we have blood.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
