I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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