Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
