I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
