well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He better not be in your backpack
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
