another moral hangover. fuck.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
