Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
