A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
