Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
