dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
