remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
