nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
