Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
