its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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