The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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