Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
