TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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